5 Common Therapy Myths a Therapist Wants You to Unlearn

For Mental Health Awareness Month (It was May, this blog is late), I've been posting videos about common therapy myths and things that influencers tend to treat as generalized facts.

The whole series is meant to shed light on something that has been really annoying me lately about social media.

It's the lack of nuance.

The lack of a gray area.

And honestly, the unconscious belief that "everything must apply to me." I think it's part of a bigger problem in which we are all losing our ability to think critically.

Because thinking critically doesn't vibe with the algorithm. The algorithm wants things to be divisive, exciting, and activating. Which is honestly the opposite of what I'm trying to do as a therapist and healer. I want my clients and others to recognize that most of life happens in the gray area, and isn't black and white. I want my clients to be able to check in with themselves and to be able to identify thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I want them to recognize that thoughts and feelings are not facts!

Thoughts and feelings are reactions, and sometimes they are completely unwarranted. Like, when you have experienced relational trauma and your nervous system is on constant high alert, and you feel like a friend being mad at you will kill you- that's not real. The feelings are real, don't get me wrong. But a friend being mad at you isn't deadly.

These are the things that I work with, and they don't fit on social media in a neat little 7-second video. So here are some of the most common therapy myths I've been posting about, and what's actually true underneath them.

Remember, my goal here is to point out the need for nuance, which is quite difficult to do in a general sense and definitely won't apply to you in every way. Even in a blog post, I'm trying not to be too wordy. So there's that.

Common Therapy Myths I Keep Hearing

Myth #1: "Going no contact with your family is a selfish, lazy decision."

Let's start off with a heavy hitter, because why not? Many people don't understand the weight of cutting contact with one's family.

Admittedly, many of those people might also be the ones with whom contact has been cut, and are unable to see their own part in that decision (see, we need sooo much nuance here).

I have had people sit in my office and tell me some version of, "I know that I needed to do this, but it is so hard."

And then we process all of those emotions that come up with that truth - the idea that they weren't enough for their loved one to change. The fact that someone could hurt someone else so badly. The fear that they are a bad person for making that decision. The loss of hope and the regaining of hope that their family will see their pain and want to make a change. The desire to reach out and check in.

All of it.

No contact is not lazy, easy, or selfish. It is survival. A person who makes that choice is quite often doing it because it is the last resort option. It feels like the only way they will have a chance to be ok in the future.

Cut off might be because of abuse, religious trauma, lack of understanding and acceptance, emotionally immature parents, addiction, mental health issues… and so many other things. What it ultimately is about, though, is that the environment and people in it were not safe, and the cut off felt like the safest option.

Myth #2: "Somebody had it worse than me, so I shouldn't feel that bad."

Ok, this is a common one I see with people processing traumatic events. They minimize their own experience because someone probably had it worse.

Just because someone had it worse does not mean that we don't suffer too. Unfortunately, there is plenty of suffering to be had. Minimizing our own pain doesn't help anyone else either. It's actually self-protective in a way.

Maybe because when it happened, it wasn't safe to admit how much pain we were in.

For example, if a parent or caregiver is also your abuser when you are young and fully dependent on them for survival, it makes sense to minimize the pain because you have no other options to live. However, when that minimization continues into adulthood, and we do have other options that become available, the minimization is no longer protective and becomes a hindrance.

Because if you continue to believe that it wasn't that bad, you might not get the help you need.

Myth #3: "Your ex is not a narcissist, he's probably just an asshole."

Oh man, people on the internet hate this one.

But true narcissism, and personality disorders in general, do not account for very many people. The percentages are low, so I have a really hard time believing that one person could date 5 different narcissists. 5 different assholes, with narcissistic traits, however… much more believable.

I think that one is harder to accept because it puts some responsibility on the person who might otherwise see themselves as a victim.

If a predatory narcissist chose you and you're the empathic victim, that's easier to manage than admitting that you chose someone who fit the same old pattern again, that you need to do some work around choosing better partners for yourself.

And please don't read any blame here. Again, the nuance is important. You are not responsible, or at fault, for any abuse you may have experienced, narcissistic or not.

I'm not here to tell anyone if they did or didn't date a narcissist; I don't know. But it isn't as common or as likely as dating an asshole. Sorry, kinda.

Myth #4: "I must be crazy if I need therapy," or "Something is wrong with me if I need therapy."

Literally, no.

This is one of the biggest misunderstandings of therapy that I have heard. I know that the stigma is less than it used to be, but there are still people who believe that therapy is for crazy people or people who need to fix something about themselves.

Therapy is for everyone.

You can go to therapy to help manage stress. And I won't believe you if you tell me that you don't experience stress.

Therapy can help you get to know yourself better, help with relationships, and help with your career. You can also go to therapy if you have a diagnosable "disorder" - in quotes because I use that term very lightly - in order to learn how to effectively manage the symptoms that are making your life feel unwell.

Myth #5: "If you're depressed, you just need to smile more."

Listen, there is significant evidence that shows that laughter and smiling are actually good at combatting depressive symptoms.

But that isn't all you need, and it definitely isn't that simple. Depression can take over your brain like a dark cloud. It can feel like you aren't in control of yourself anymore, and it can be incredibly frustrating. Smiling will help, but a therapist (and maybe some medication) can help you get to the point where it feels possible to even think about smiling.

Which one of these common therapy myths have you heard before?

FAQ: Common Therapy Myths

What are some common therapy myths? Some of the most common therapy myths include the idea that going no contact with family is selfish, that you shouldn't feel bad if "someone had it worse," that any difficult ex is a "narcissist," that needing therapy means something is wrong with you, and that depression can be fixed by simply smiling more. All of these myths fail to make room for what's actually a much bigger, messier human experience than a 7-second clip can hold.

Why do therapy myths spread so easily on social media? Social media prefers content that is divisive, simple, and quick. Life doesn't happen like that, and healing definitely doesn't happen like that. When you have to try to get your point across in 7 seconds, you take out a lot of the important details.

Is it true that needing therapy means something is wrong with you? No. Definitely not. Therapy is for managing everyday stress like work and relationships, it's for getting to know yourself and your values better, and for feeling more confident in yourself in all aspects of life. You don't have to have a DSM diagnosis as a badge for "ready for therapy."

Check out all of the videos, not just the top 5 common therapy myths, on Instagram, here.